You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
