end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
