I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
