my mouth tastes like poor choices
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
