My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
