honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
