I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
did i walk over a car last night?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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