There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
