I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
