i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
