you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
