Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
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I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
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Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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