Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
