This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
