my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
