how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Randomize
