why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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