I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
