I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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