We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
