This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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