PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
