Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
