I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
