i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
