I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
