exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
