Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
