it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
