Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
