Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
