I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
