Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
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I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
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Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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