You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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