I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
