She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
