You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
