how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
