I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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