FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Help. Why am I so naked?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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