I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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