i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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