drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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