his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
