Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
