goodnight i made you a song goodbye
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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