I'm lost and stupid without you.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
