so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
