When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
