how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
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I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
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God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Gay?
German.
Pity.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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