You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
