I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
