Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
