I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Your mouth is God's brothel.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
