I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
