my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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