Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
