i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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