I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
