He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
