I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
