no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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