I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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