I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
