I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
time to smoke my breakfast
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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