True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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