Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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