she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
