i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
