Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
