Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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