I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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