she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
