Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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