I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
